


Decisions

by sleptthedayaway



Category: HIStory3 - 圈套 | HIStory3: Trap
Genre: Based on preview of episode 17, M/M, unbeta’d
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-04
Updated: 2019-06-04
Packaged: 2020-04-07 13:17:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19085821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sleptthedayaway/pseuds/sleptthedayaway
Summary: Tang Yi contemplates what to do now that he has shot Shao Fei...





	Decisions

It was a single moment. 

A single stupid, reckless, impossible moment where his emotions got the best of him and his temper took control. A moment where he almost lost everything. 

But, no.

That moment has already come and gone. That moment came first when he watched Boss Tang get shot down in front of him, and again when he heard that Hong Ye has been attacked and Shao Fei was hospitalized, and the last time his world had ended was by his own hand; by the ringing of a gunshot in his ears and a cry that was first his name and next of pain.

And then Shao Fei was on the ground, bleeding, and this time it was Tang Yi who has done it to him. 

They rushed him to the hospital and Tang Yi hoped and he prayed and he begged whatever god he could find to make sure Shao Fei is alright - to heal Shao Fei before all else and he hopes that Shao Fei could forgive him for this though he knows he can not forgive himself. 

They rush him to the hospital and though Tang Yi has no rights to know - no rights to sit and wait and reassure himself that everything will be alright and that Shao Fei will recover from this - he still sits and waits and hopes. 

He spends hours sitting in one of those awful chairs, a moment entirely too similar to one not so long ago, with his brow furrowed and his body stuff. He doesn’t say a word to anyone, not even the chief of police when he comes storming in to the waiting room demanding answers, demanding to know how he could do this to Shao Fei who loves Tang Yi so completely and openly and with every fiber of his being.

The chief grabs him by the collar and shakes him and he demands answers and apologies and Tang Yi says nothing. 

When it becomes clear that the chief will get nothing from Tang Yi - no answers, no apologies, no explanations - the chief pushes him away with tears in his eyes. None of Tang Yi’s people moving to get between them, moving to stop the chief or push him away or intervene in any sort of way, they let the chief grieve and take out his grievances on Tang Yi and when the chief walks away with his officers in tow Tang Yi has a moment where he wishes the Chief had hit him or arrest him or punished him in some way. 

After all, whenever Shao Fei is hurt it is almost always Tang Yi’s fault in some way or another. 

He doesn’t see Shao Fei in the hospital. Doesn’t allow himself the relief of seeing that he’s alive and laughing and making jokes about canons and predictions like last time. He waits just long enough, just until he hears the doctor tell the chief that Shao Fei is fine - that the bullet didn’t hit anything vital but could they please wait at least a year or two between shootings next time? The human body can only take so much. 

How well does Tang Yi know how much the human body can take...

When Shao Fei confessed, when Shao Fei kissed him and changed their lives forever, Tang Yi told him that his feelings were not there yet. Tang Yi Warner Shao Fei that he was willing to give this a try because Shao Fei makes him feel things that no one else ever has before but it is not yet love. So, Tang Yi didn’t confess - hasn’t confessed - and maybe now, now that Tang Yi has shot him and caused him unnecessary pain once again, maybe now Tang Yi can finally do the right thing.  
And isn’t that what he’s been working for all these years? Legitimizing the business. Doing the right thing for once because it is right. 

So Tang Yi vows to send Shao Fei on his way, to convince him that the feelings are not reciprocated and then Shao Fei can move on. He can fall in love with someone else and have a family and lead a normal life and that would be enough/m. The knowledge that Shao Fei is out there in the world somewhere alive and happy, it would have to be enough. 

He doesn’t answer Shao Fei’s phone calls, doesn’t respond to any of his messages or open any of his emails. He doesn’t do anything to let Shao Fei know that things between them are still ok. He’s hoping that for once in his life Shao Fei will take a hint and let Tang Yi disappear, that he will let himself be ghosted with the understanding that it is for his own good. 

But hope, like an ill fitting suit, does not go well with gangsters. 

Shao Fei shows up in his home office three days after he saw him last - three days since atang Yi shot him. He stands in the doorway with his shoulders squared and his jaw set, like he is waiting for a fight, and all Tang Yi can do is stare at him for a moment - at the color of his skin and the flush to his cheeks and the brightness of his eyes and Tang Yi lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. For the first time since the whole thing transpired, Tang Yi feels himself relax. 

And then he remembers his promise - to let Shao Fei go - and he turns everything he is feeling off and gets back to his paperwork. 

“Tang Yi.” Shao Fei says and Tang Yi wants to cry, he wants to confess, he wants to grab Shao Fei and hold him and breathe him in until every aspect of his being has left a mark on Tang Yi’s skin like the press of a pillow after a good night’s rest.

He does none of those things. He doesn’t look at Shao Fei though he can feel that Shao Fei is looking at him. He shuffles some paperwork around and pretends to write notes in the margins, knowing that so long as Shao Fei is here he will get nothing done. 

“I told the guards not to let you in,” Tang Yi says after the silence has sat a moment too long, “tell me, which ones do I have to fire?” 

Shao Fei ignores him which is fine, Tang Yi wasn’t going to fire the guard anyway, probably. He just needs Shao Fei to leave now, before his composure crumbles. 

“Zhao Zi said you were at the hospital the whole time I was in surgery. That you sat in those chairs and didn’t move a muscle even when the chief came after you. He said that you only left when you heard the doctor say that I am ok.” 

And, really, what could Tang Yi say to that? That he sat in those god awful chairs and force his body to breathe? That he wanted to rage at the world that made him a gangster and made his biological father kill his surrogate father along with his biological mother? That in the moment before he shot Shao Fei he wanted to watch the world burn and in shooting Shao Fei it felt like he has burned his whole world to the ground? How could he answer Shao Fei’s unasked questions without incriminating himself further? How could he give Shao Fei what little power Tang Yi has managed to hold on to in this relationship?

“Tang Yi,” Shao Fei says again once it becomes clear that he’s not going to break the silence, “why did you leave?”

“I’ll call Jack.” Tang Yi says instead, “he can escort you out and find someone to drive you home.” 

Tang Yi reaches for the call button and suddenly Shao Fei is there beside his desk, reaching for his hand and Tang Yi pulls back as quickly as he is able but he doesn’t want to risk upsetting Shao Fei’s injury and Shao Fei seems to know that because before he can withdraw his hand completely Shao Fei is taking his hand and holding on for dear life. As soon as skin touched skin Tang Yi could feel Shao Fei’s warmth - could feel that spark of love that seems to exist in their every point of contact - he thought seeing Shao Fei and hearing his voice was enough to relax him, to let his body exhale, but it is nothing compared to contact. To the firm undeniable knowledge that Shao Fei is alive and beside him and that Tang Yi can feel his heart beating under his pulse point. 

He tries to hide it. He drops Shao Fei’s hand and gets back to his work with no move to call Jack or one of the other guards to escort Shao Fei away, instead he gets back to his paperwork, though he has no idea what it says. 

“Jack is the one who let me in.” Shao Fei says. He doesn’t reach for Tang Yi again and Tang Yi can’t decide if he should curse Jack or the gods for putting him in this situation.

“I’ve decided,” Tang Yi says thinking that all this dancing is enough. Shao Fei won’t take a hint and they can’t keep tiptoeing around what must be done. 

“I’ve decided it is high time we ended our relationship.”

Tang Yi shuffles his papers and places them in a drawer in the opposite side of the desk as Shao Fei. It’s not where they go and Tang Yi knows that later he is going to have to review and fix whatever he has done tonight but he cannot say these words - these words that must be said - and look at Shao Fei at the same time. He cannot break both his and Shao Fei’s heart all the while looking him in the eye and pretending like he means nothing. Like Shao Fei is anything less than the world.

The silence goes on for so long that it’s almost unbearable. He’s never known Shao Fei to be so quiet. It stretches and fills the room to the point where Tang Yi is convinced he can hear his own heart beat, to the point where he is worried that Shao Fei left without a word. 

He’s about to turn around, to finally face the truth of all that is happening whether that is an empty room where Shao Fei once stood or the broken heart of the man he loves when a voice recording fills the room. 

“Shao Fei,” it says, and Tang Yi knows that voice. He remembers that day where Shao Fei had disappeared so completely and so thoroughly that Tang Yi spent the entirety of it worried that he’d never see Shao Fei again. Worried that something had happened to Shao Fei and he wasn’t there to protect him, to comfort him. Worried that he would spend the rest of his days wondering what happened to Meng Shao Fei. 

“I’m really worried about you.” The recording goes on, “I want to know where you are. Did you eat? Did you catch a cold? Can you please call me? I want to hear your voice, only then can I be at ease.” 

When the voicemail ends, Tang Yi is sure that his face is red. He is sure that even though Shao Fei cannot see his face he is watching his ears and proclaiming himself victorious. 

“Tang Yi,” Shao Fei says and oh how he loves the sound of his name on Shao Fei’s lips, like it is the most important word in the world. Like it holds all the power of the universe. Like it is the only thing - the only sound - that truly matters to him. If Tang Yi lost all else he hopes he would be able to keep this: the sound of his name on Shao Fei’s lips.

“I am fine.” Shao Fei says, “I am ok. You saw to that.”

“I also saw to you getting shot in the first place.” Tang Yi doesn’t mean to say it, doesn’t mean to let that kind of vulnerability out but once the words leave his lips he knows there is no taking them back. 

And then his chair is turning and Shao Fei is crawling into his lap like he did on that first night so long ago. 

Shao Fei places his hands on the back of Tang Yi’s neck - and what is Tang Yi to do except wrap an arm around Shao Fei’s waits to steady him, to spread his legs so that Shao Fei can sit and find balance lest he injure himself further - and presses his lips against Tang Yi’s and Tang Yi melts. He cannot help the sigh that leaves his lips or the way he presses back in to the kiss. He wishes he could, he wishes he was strong enough to turn Shao Fei away, to convince Shao Fei that their relationship is too dangerous to continue. He wishes he were stronger for Shao Fei’s sake but he’s not. He is weak and selfish and he so badly wants that normal life that Boss Tang told him about all those years ago. 

Shao Fei pulls away but makes no move to get off his lap, Tang Yi tightens his grip around his waist anyway making Shao Fei look down and smile. If he is going to do this, if he is going to be this selfish then he wants to keep Shao Fei as close to him for as long as possible. He wants to spend every night reassuring himself that Shao Fei is alright, that he is alive and well until the proof of what Tang Yi had done is nothing more than a long healed scar and a distant memory. 

“Be at ease, Ah Yi, I told you nothing but a cannon can kill me. Besides didn’t I promise to chase you forever? You can’t get away from me that easily!” 

Tang Yi couldn’t help but to smile at this impossible man that he loves.

“Forgive me,” he says, “how foolish of me to forget.” 

And then Tang Yi kisses Shao Fei again and allows himself to believe that everything will be alright.

**Author's Note:**

> Forgive me, it has been a while since I’ve written fan fiction. This is unbeta’d and my computer is broken so everything I do I do in a notebook first and on mobile second. Tumblr is also sleptthedayaway if anyone has any requests or whatever.


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